


Nevermore

by ZenyZootSuit



Series: The Cop and the Rookie [3]
Category: Blue Bloods (TV)
Genre: Frank Reagan is Done with This Shit, Infidelity, M/M, Maybe I do do happy endings sometimes, Raging Bisexual Jamie Reagan, Rare Pairings, Unreliable Narrator, poor communication, poor decisions, seriously no one talking has all the information so trust no one's opinion
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-10
Updated: 2019-07-10
Packaged: 2020-06-25 16:55:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,793
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19749880
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ZenyZootSuit/pseuds/ZenyZootSuit
Summary: Sergeant Renzulli was ashamed. More ashamed than he'd been in his entire life. Because Frank Reagan was sitting across from him at a bar and he knew everything.





	Nevermore

**Author's Note:**

> Kudos if you caught what the song title is based on. Once again brought to you by country music and relationship problems
> 
> Author’s Note: (7/11/19):  
> There seems to be some contention regarding the content of this fic and my characterization of certain characters. In light of recent comments, allow me to impart the following wisdom.
> 
> In the decade I have been interacting with fanfiction, I have come upon countless stories that I had great hopes for only to be horribly disappointed by the plot/the characterization/any number of things, at which point I have always said to myself “Aww darn” and hit the back button. Should you find yourself feeling similarly while reading any work, mine or otherwise, I suggest you do the same. I won’t be offended, I promise.

Sergeant Anthony Renzulli was ashamed of himself. More ashamed than he had ever been in his entire life. Even more ashamed than he had been sitting across from Frank Reagan in a hospital cafeteria learning that Jamie had borrowed money from his father to help him pay back his gambling debt.

_“I’m sure he never meant it to get out of hand.”_

_“So I loaned him the money. But there wouldn’t be anything I could do to help him out a second time. It’s important to me that you understand the situation”_

_“Yes sir.”_

_“Won’t you keep a sharp eye on him?”_

_“You have my word, sir.”_

He smiled humorlessly at the memory. Just like back then, he’d never meant for this to get out of hand. 

He’d been cheating on his wife. A lot. And he’s not going to try to argue that he never meant for this to happen, because he consciously made the decision to kiss Jamie Reagan (and do other things) in the locker room of the 12th all those years ago. And after he broke that off, he consciously and freely made the decision to sleep with one or two other men (who may or may not have borne a similar appearance to Jamie Reagan). And he willingly made out with Jamie Reagan again in an alley behind a bar a few months prior (and made the decision to go home with him. And sleep in his bed. With him). No one forced him to make any of those decisions, and he’d been well aware he was making them.

It was just that…he didn’t mean for what happened after that to go as far as it had.

He’d picked his habit back up of picking up guys who bore a resemblance to Jamie (and by “picking up”, he meant having risky sex in back rooms and alleyways. He agreed that he was too old for this, but he did it anyway), except this time, it wasn’t just one or two guys over the course of several years. No, it was every couple of weeks. And it was getting out of hand.

But goddamnit, he _wanted_.

He wondered sometimes if his wife was suspicious, if she ever saw the marks some of the guys left on him (even though he specifically told them not to), or if she even cared. The boost Jamie’s award had given their relationship all those years ago had long since worn off. All she ever did now was kiss him quickly hello and goodbye. (The guilt of what he was doing ate him up whenever she did, as it had ever since he’d taken that award, which he’d never told her the truth about, afraid of the damage it would do). He loved her still, but that didn’t make him want what he wanted any less.

The guilt was slowly killing him, and yet there he was. In a bar, chatting up a guy who looked a little bit like Jamie, his wedding ring burning a hole in his pocket. 

“Excuse me, is this seat taken?”

Renzulli felt like his heart would explode out of his chest, because there was Frank Reagan. In a bar. In a half empty bar. Asking for the seat of the man Renzulli had been after.

Whether or not the guy recognized the Police Commissioner or if he was just intimidated by the man’s shear size and authoritative air Renzulli had no idea, but he was gone in an instant and Frank Reagan, seemingly alone, sat down.

Today was the day Renzulli’s heart would finally give out on him, he was sure of it.

*******

Frank Reagan was many things, but stupid was not one of them. 

He’d had a decent idea that the “friend” Jamie had been talking about all those weeks ago was a fellow cop. Why else would Jamie refuse to give him the name of a man Frank had never met and likely would never meet? 

Unless...Frank did know him.

So he wracked his brain for who it could be. Family friends, acquaintances, fellow cops, anyone whose sexuality he’d heard whisperings about, someone Jamie might like, and came up empty.

He’d still been wondering about it when he’d driven past the 12th precinct the morning after he’d talked to Jamie. He’d been gazing out the window as his car stopped at a light, absentmindedly mulling it over when his question was abruptly answered.

Because there, in the back alley behind the 12th, was his son kissing a fellow cop. And who was that fellow cop? Anthony Renzulli.

Frank had been bracing himself for a lot, given Jamie’s (in his opinion) historically poor taste in men, but he hadn’t been expecting /that./

Tony Renzulli? T.O. to both Joe and Jamie? Jamie’s former partner (never mind current superior)? The same man who had done so much to help Jamie, and who Jamie had done so much to help in return?

(Perhaps Frank should have seen it sooner.)

Whatever the circumstances, it was a major abuse of power. Frank watch, livid, as they broke apart and appeared to be speaking. The only thing that stopped him from getting out of the car and firing Renzulli on the spot for abusing his station was Jamie reaching out and kissing the Sergeant with so much love it broke Frank’s heart. So he said nothing, and resolved to speak with his son at a later date. 

Frank labored over it for much longer than he would care to admit. It didn’t help that he only ever saw his son on Sundays anymore, and when he did see him, he was in such a good mood that Frank didn’t want to ruin it.

Many a night Frank spent in his chair with a nightcap pondering his options. Did he really need to involve himself in this? Jamie seemed okay. More okay than he’d been in a while. And he was a grown man. He could make his own decisions. 

Weeks stretched into months and still Frank pondered. He thought about he would do were it another two cops. Of course he would involve himself to ensure the subordinate cop was not being coerced in any way. But he and his son were close. He tried very hard to be open and nonjudgmental with his children so they felt they could come to him with anything. And Jamie did indeed come to him with a lot. Surely he would have asked for help if he was in trouble.

Then he thought about how Jamie had hid his relationship with Noble Sanfino for so long. How he hid his quest for the Blue Templar when he was a rookie. There was no guarantee he would have come to Frank with news that a beloved family friend was using his position to harm him. 

Yes. Yes he needed to get involved. He should have never let it go this long.

He let himself sit on it through Sunday dinner that day to make sure that he was sure he was making the correct decision.

“Jamie, stay a minute?” he said, reaching out to catch Jamie by the elbow as the family went to leave later that night.

Jamie paused before nodding slowly. “Yeah…sure.”

Danny paused too. “…Everything okay?”

“Yep,” Frank answered, though perhaps a little two quickly.

Danny looked back and forth between the two, having clearly caught Frank’s slight nervousness. “You sure?”

“Yep.”

Danny eyed his brother, waiting for him to confirm it.

Jamie shrugged. “Yeah, Danny, I’m good. I’ll call you later.”

“…Sure.” With one last unconvinced glance at them, Danny left with his wife and sons.

Jamie turned to Frank as the door clicked shut. “That was a bit ominous. What’s up?”

“Come sit.”

“What’s up?” Jamie asked again once he was seated on the couch. Frank sat on the coffee table opposite Jamie. His son’s brow was getting more furrowed by the second.

Frank took a deep breath. “The first thing I want to say is that you’re not in any trouble. Jamie, a few months ago I witnessed something. Between you and Tony Renzulli.”

He paused. Jamie continued to stare at him, face expressionless and shoulders tense.

“I happened to be passing by the 12th precinct, and I witnessed the two of you kissing behind the precinct.”

Jamie wasn’t looking at him. “I see.”

When he said nothing more, Frank continued. “Now I’m very concerned.”

“Why?” The words had a bite to them.

Frank fought to keep his voice level. “Sergeant Renzulli has considerable power over you.”

Jamie huffed a laugh. “And you think he’s using that power to manipulate me?”

“Is he?”

Jamie looked stunned. “No! I…No! Absolutely not!”

“You won’t be in any trouble if he is. He needn’t know any information came from you. And if he’s hurting you it’s likely he’s hurting others, too.”

“He’s not hurting anyone!” Jamie shouted and pinched the bridge of his nose. “Dad…anything and everything that happened between Renzulli and I was initiated by me and 100% consensual. He’s never once tried to use his station to control me. Hell, he’s been the one to remind me of that power imbalance and make sure it played no role!”

Frank pressed his mouth into a thin line and nodded slowly. “All that said…I need to know how long this has been going on. If—“

Jamie cut him off. “Nothing ever happened when he was my T.O. or my partner. It was just…one time a couple years ago and then again a few months ago. Nothing else. Both times initiated by me.”

“Was he the friend you were worried you hurt?”

“...Yes,” Jamie said after a while. “But we worked it out. We were both too drunk for anything that happened, and neither of us blamed the other… It stopped after that.”

“Didn’t look like it stopped.”

Jamie bridled and closed his eyes. “…It stopped.” He sounded suddenly very, very tired. “Look, Dad…I get why you’re concerned, but Sergeant Renzulli is one of the best men I know. He never once hurt me and he never would. I’m…asking you as your son to not discipline him for this. He did nothing wrong, and anything there was between us is over.”

Frank eyed him for a long moment. “Are you telling me the truth?”

Jamie nodded. “Yeah, Pop, I am.”

Frank wasn’t so sure, but he acquiesced. “…Okay. I believe you, Jamie. Thank you for sharing that with me.”

“Yeah.” Jamie got up rather quickly to leave.

“And Jamie?” Frank called after him. His son stopped on his way to the door, but didn’t turn around. “I just want to make sure you know…you can come to me with anything. Okay?”

“Sure.”

He was gone before Frank could get in another word. The elder Reagan took off his glasses and rubbed his eyes, beginning to wonder how much of that he should actually believe. Well, there was only one way to test that, wasn’t there? Talk to the other man in question.

*******

Tony Renzulli looked spectacularly shell-shocked. “No, sir. Please, sit.”

Frank did so and straightened his jacket. “Is there any reason why that man bore a rather striking resemblance to my son?”

Apprehension rose quickly on the other man’s face. “I’m not sure what you mean....”

“I’ll cut right to the chase. It doesn’t make a difference to me that you like men, so wipe that look off your face. It also isn’t my business that you’re cheating on your wife, so forget about that, too. But what is my business is that a few months ago I saw you kissing my son behind the 12th precinct.”

Renzulli let out a quiet breath, resignation darkening his features. He didn’t respond.

“I find this situation rather odd, considering how much grief you’ve given Jamie over his relationship with his partner. Which, for the record, I also do not approve of.”

Renzulli still said nothing, didn’t move a muscle, eyes fixed on the tabletop in front of him.

“So you can extrapolate that I do not approve of this, either. In fact, I am quite concerned. Quite concerned that you have used your rank of Sergeant to get what you want from him.”

The other man flinched hard at that, but made no move to defend himself. 

“And I’m further concerned by an incident which took place a few months ago, wherein Jamie became very intoxicated and it seemed to me that you, being significantly more sober, took advantage of him.”

It had been a long time since Frank had seen someone look so miserable and utterly resigned to their fate. Still, Renzulli made no move to defend himself.

“Have you got anything to say for yourself?”

Renzulli swallowed hard. “No, sir.”

“You aren’t going to defend yourself?”

“No, sir.”

Frank sighed. “Now, Jamie tells me that isn’t what happened. In fact, he came to me concerned he’d been the one to coerce you.”

Renzulli nodded. “Yes, sir. Jamie told me that too, but he was the one who was too drunk for it. What happened is on me, sir. Not Jamie.”

“I agree with you there.” Renzulli looked away in shame. Frank continued, “For the record, Jamie did not use your name when he and I first discussed it. I have since spoken with Jamie directly about what I saw, and he told me quite adamantly that he was the one to start anything that happened between you, and that none of it occurred while you were his TO or partner. Is that true?”

Renzulli’s eyes fell shut and he took a deep breath. “No, sir, that’s not true. “ 

Frank raised an eyebrow. “Elaborate.”

“Things started around the time when I took Jamie’s commendation for him. For saving that kid. When I was his partner.”

“ _Really?”_

Renzulli’s eyes opened at the surprise in the Commissioner’s voice.

“Yes, sir.”

Frank gazed at the liquor behind the bar, remembering a very different conversation he’d had with his son not long after that, about one Noble Sanfino, and how Jamie had gotten in deep with him. Ultimately, long past and none of his business. (His heart ached, just a little, as he found out more and more that his son was not all who he’d thought him to be.)

He turned back to Renzulli, who was clearly trying to figure out if the Commissioner would order him be arrested or not.

“And who started it?”

“Jamie. But I didn’t stop him. At least, not soon enough.”

Frank regarded him for a long moment. “It was around that time when you took that desk job and assigned Jamie a new partner. Because of your relationship with him?”

“Partly, sir.”

Renzulli was not making it easy fir Frank to be mad at him. The Commissioner sighed and leaned forward to rest his arms on the table. “Tony…tell me honestly.” The other cop nodded. “Do you love him?”

Renzulli looked genuinely surprised at the question. It took him a minute to answer. “Only a fool wouldn’t.”

Frank rubbed his eyes, wondering why Jamie could never pick a romantic partner that wouldn’t throw his life and/or job into turmoil.

“I’m not going to fire you over this, Tony.”

After a long moment, Renzulli responded. “You should. I’ve...almost resigned a few times over this...”

“Almost doesn’t cut it. And you’re right. I should fire you. Were it any other two cops I would. But I won’t. Partly because Jamie would never forgive me, and partly because after talking to both of you I don’t believe you ever had any intention of harming my son or using your rank to manipulate him. And because everything before this has told me that you’re a good man. I won’t ruin your life over this.”

Renzulli was clearly shocked. “I...I appreciate that, Commissioner.”

Frank nodded. “But this goes no further. Your relationship has to end.”

“I understand, sir. After everything that happened...we already decided to end it.”

“Didn’t look like it.”

“That’s...that’s fair.” The other man shifted nervously in his chair. “I was kissing him goodbye. I wasn’t lying when I said that...only a fool wouldn’t love Jamie Reagan.”

“I know.” Then after a moment, “Look at me, Tony.” The other man did so.“This ends here. No exceptions. If I catch word that you have resumed your relationship with my son, I will fire you. And my reason for doing so will be detailed in my report. Understood?”

“Yes, sir.”

“Good. Now I ought to warn you about one thing, and that thing is my other son.”

Renzulli huffed a quiet laugh. “I’m aware, sir. Jamie told me more than once that his brother is not the biggest fan of queer people.”

Frank frowned. “Is that so?”

The Sergeant looked suddenly very apprehensive again and nodded slowly. Frank sighed, wondering what other major character flaws there were in his family that he had yet to notice.

“I will…have to talk to my son about that. But what I wanted to say was that Danny would not take kindly to anyone possibly harming his brother. So keep your mouth shut and consider this another reason to keep things the way they are. Over.”

“I understand, sir.”

Frank nodded once and took his leave.

*******

Jamie was called into Renzulli’s office the second he set foot in the precinct.

“You wanted to see me, Sarge?”

“Shut the damn door, Reagan.”

Jamie frowned, but did as Renzulli asked. “What’s going on?

Renzulli got up from his desk and came to stand in front of Jamie. “You told your old man.”

“About what?” The realization slowly dawned on him at the glare Renzulli shot him. “Oh God…”

“No kidding. I was in a bar last night minding my own business when suddenly the fucking police commissioner is chasing off my date and interrogating me about you.”

Jealousy flared briefly in Jamie’s chest. “Your /date?”

“Don’t change the subject!” Renzulli hissed before sighing and rubbing his eyes. “Look, Reagan, all I’m saying is a little heads up would have been nice. I thought I was gonna have a damn heart attack.”

“Shit…” Jamie ran a hand through his hair. “God, Sarge, I’m sorry…He sprung it on me, too. Said he saw us kissing behind the precinct that one time.”

Renzulli shook his head. “That was fucking stupid…”

Jamie cracked a smile before quickly sobering again. “But he promised me he wouldn’t pursue anything. That’s why I didn’t tell you. I didn’t want to worry you if nothing was gonna happen.”

“Well that was your mistake, wasn’t it?”

“‘M sorry…”

“…S’all good, Jamie,” Renzulli said after a long moment. “One other thing, though…He warned me about your brother. That he wouldn’t take kindly to anyone possibly hurting his baby brother.”

“Ugh, fucking—“

“Except I thought that he was gonna warn me your brother was homophobic, so I told him I already knew. Turned out he didn’t know that.”

Jamie laughed humorlessly. “Can’t see how…well, it was either gonna come up this way or with me breaking his nose the next time he used the word ‘faggot’ in conversation.”

Renzulli bridled at the word that had been hurled at him, too, more than once. “And I just want to let you know that if your brother comes at me I will break his nose. I’m too old to put up with that shit.”

“Wouldn’t blame ya, Sarge…”

Renzulli nodded. “Alright, well…that’s all I had to say. You’re good to go.”

Jamie stayed where he was, eyes fixed on the floor.

Renzulli frowned. “Something else on your mind?”

Jamie’s gaze flickered up to his superiors mouth and stayed there for a long moment before moving back up to his eyes.

Renzulli shook his head. “You gotta stop looking at me like that, Reagan.”

“I know.”

“What we were doing was stupid on so many levels. I can’t risk my job. Not even for you. Not for this.”

“Your job?”

That pissed Renzulli off, just a little. “Yeah. My job. That was the other thing the commissioner told me. That if he caught any hint we’d resumed our relationship, he’d fire me on the spot and explicitly state his reason for doing so in the report, which I took as a thinly veiled threat that he’d tell my wife I was cheating on her…which is fair, but I’d really rather avoid a divorce at the moment.”

“I see.”

“Besides, aren’t you back with Janko?” When Jamie didn’t respond, Renzulli shook his head at him. “If you’re not happy with her, leave her. Don’t do what I’m doing. She don’t deserve that.” 

Jame didn’t look at him. “If there was nothing else, Sarge—“

“Goddamnit, Jamie!” 

“No, really, Sarge.” The kid (he was hardly a kid anymore) looked up at him, and he looked so damn sad…Renzulli could relate. “I would never ask you to risk your job or your marriage. I’m sorry for not thinking…I’ll go.”

Renzulli nodded and watched the other man leave. 

*******

He couldn’t stay away. Not with such a blatant invitation. He wanted, he wanted, he wanted so bad he could hardly stand it. And as Jamie was preparing to take the Sergeant’s exam, at which point he would be Renzulli’s equal and also no longer directly his coworker…

Maybe he just saw no reason to deny himself further.

So, one Tuesday night, he found himself waiting in the same dive bar he’d found Jamie in before, just to see if he’d show up. If he did, then Renzulli would go through with it. If not, he wouldn’t. Plain and simple.

Well, Jamie did show up.

“Wasn’t expecting to see you here, Sarge.”

“Lemme buy you a drink.”

Jamie agreed. They drank in silence for a long time. Only when the bartender was busy with someone else down at the other end did Renzulli finally speak in a low voice.

“If we’re gonna do this, we gotta be more careful.”

Jamie looked over at him. “You’re…actually considering this?”

Renzulli nodded.

Jamie looked back down at his drink and cracked a small smile.

Renzulli looked away, too, grinning. “I think this might be the stupidest thing I’ve ever done.”

“Can’t say this is the stupidest thing I’ve done. That might’ve been running into a burning building.”

And the kid had such a cheeky grin on his face…maybe Renzulli broke his own rule (so soon after making it), and kissed him right there in the middle of the bar.

When he pulled back, Jamie looked happier than he had in a while. Renzulli could relate.

**_El Fin_ **

**Author's Note:**

> So…maybe I do do happy endings on occasion. I left it open like this so I could write more if I wanted. Currently have no plans to, but if anyone has something they’d like to see, hit me up and I’ll see what I can do. Thanks for reading!


End file.
